Destination: Nice, France.
I’ve never used Airbnb before but wasn’t too concerned. I figured it had to be at least a step up from couch surfing and hostels, right?
When I arrived at the meeting time and place I had a minor panic attack when my hostess didn’t answer her phone. I called three times while standing outside her building wondering if I was going to be hiking it to the nearest Novotel and begging for a room on a long weekend.
Maybe she had a family emergency and forgot to cancel? Or, perhaps she was peering out her bedroom window right now to make sure I wasn’t a serial killer? I dunno, but after meeting her cat, well, I wondered if I was the one who should be worried…
My hostess was a 26 year old self-proclaimed photographer with blonde, pink and green hair. She had the most psychotic cat I’d ever met and a pet rat. I know rats can be very affectionate, but hardly a wise choice if one is to have a bnb, wouldn’t you agree? She also fancied prancing around the apartment in her black undies…hmmm, I wonder if she also does this with male guests?
The incense burned 24/7 and I guess I didn’t read the description closely and missed the fine print regarding “ashram qualities and psycho cat are included in the price”. What I did miss was a proper hot water kettle and a clean bathroom, sigh. Her kitchen had pots of leftover food on an electric counter stove which was dried and crusted and been sitting there for what seemed like a very long time. Maybe she was trying to catch herself another pet rat??
Going back to the cat for a moment…within the first 15 minutes both my arms were bleeding. Listen, I love cats but this one was feral. I coaxed it out of the room with a toy and then closed the door but at 5:00 a.m. my door was open and the cat was dangerously perched on the foot of my bed. I was frozen with fear! How the flip did it open my door? Cue creepy film music here.
She also mentioned that she couldn’t give me any keys until her boyfriend got home at 1:00 a.m. Obviously he worked at a bar or restaurant, apparently he’s a sommelier, and while I suppose that sounded impressive enough, he was an unexpected addition to this little adventure (I chose this place because it appeared to be a single woman living alone), and then I thought, maybe I should have asked more questions in an email before booking this place?
Hey there! I really like your green hair in your profile picture and your cat looks really cute too but could you please answer the following questions so that I can sleep at night?
1. Do you own any normal pets?
2. Do you own pants? (Maybe I’m just old-fashioned about this one. Pants are highly overrated and quite uncomfortable, don’t you agree?)
3. Do you own any cleaning supplies?
4. Did you know that the second B in B&B actually means breakfast?
5. Are you going to answer your freaking phone when I arrive on time?
6. Are you, your boyfriend, or your cat a serial killer?
As my readers know, I embelish the truth every chance I get, and my hostess was very sweet. I’m fine, really, but that damned cat is EVILLLLLL!