Trouble Follows me…My Italian CSI Moment


Have you ever been arrested? I’ve come close a few times…let me see, there was that time I was in an after-hours club that got raided and I was underage, then, there was the time I was on the beach in Cayman and my beach buddy got busted for possession of marijuana! They searched me and I was clean. Oh, and then there was that crazy boyfriend I dated when I was in my early 20’s…yep, the cocaine drug dealer, seriously. I broke up with him and 24 hours later his house was raided by the drug squad! Talk about lucky timing! And for the record, I don’t touch the stuff. Any of it!

I’m also one of those people who always gets set aside for extra screening at the airport. I have no idea why. Maybe I just look guilty all the time, hahaha.

Anyway, I was minding my own business the other day and decided to go get a massage at the shop down the road from my house. I’ve been there a few times already and the price is cheap. Have you ever had a massage in Italy? They massage just about everything! That has taken some getting used to but this particular lady actually climbs on top of me, talk about awkward. But I digress…

During my massage, the door bell kept ringing so she had to go out a few times. When she was done she left me to get dressed. It was early morning so I had on some sweat pants, no make-up and just my phone and wallet in my pockets. I came out of the room and there were several men, some dressed in uniforms, standing in the lobby. I smiled and said buongiorno.

The massage lady asked for my ID. I handed her my health card and she said not for me, for them. Still puzzled, I handed it to one of the men who were now all staring at me. The man then said this is your health card, where is your Resident’s Card? I told him it was at home and that I lived down the road and didn’t bring my purse for a massage. I offered up my driver’s license instead, (yay! It is actually good for something!) and he said that was fine…and they kept staring at me. All 8 of them!

I smiled, they stared. Ok, this is just getting weird. I was starting to get really uncomfortable. Geez people, I just had a massage, why are you funking with my Zen? The man returned my ID after writing my info. on his clipboard. I started to leave, as fast as possible without trying to look guilty of something, and then they called me back, sheesh, what now?

“Ma’am, what service did you receive?”

Seriously? “Dude, I got a massage!” It is a massage center! In fact…that is ALL THEY DO. No pedicures or facials, strictly massages, or at least that is what I know. Could they be doing illegal things here and I am just too naive to notice? These guys were now starting to get on my last nerve and the owner kept apologizing and she looked extremely nervous.

Turns out they were the “Guardia di Finanza”. In other words, the Tax Police. And all that time I was thinking where is the body buried! Sheesh! I know that Italy has a lot of problems but do they really need 8 pitbull tax police to raid a small massage center operated by a single woman?

No wonder this country is so messed up 😦

Do us all a favour and go chase some real criminals…you know, like the mafia or something. Or, then again, since I seem to attract these types, perhaps she is really operating a drug cartel right under my nose and I am her perfect alibi.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, just ask that dumb blond girl from Canada. We are a massage center, she’ll swear to it, just go ask her” 🙂

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About lmarmstrong66

I'm a blogger, painter, writer, singer. For the love of all things in nature and creativity.
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6 Responses to Trouble Follows me…My Italian CSI Moment

  1. Diana says:

    Leah,

    Your story was so funny. And yes….financial police! Gosh….in my town, there is a tiny shop where I can buy pens, magazines, toys, etc….and the guy there is always freaked if I leave my receipt on the counter. He has been “caught” letting customers leave like that in the past and has been fined TWICE! I mean really?!!?? For a 1.20 euro pen???? Poor guy…and yes…dumb police….go and catch the mafia guys please!

  2. Yvonne says:

    That encounter must have undone all the good of the massage!

  3. Pecora Nera says:

    Mrs S goes mad if I leave the receipt on the counter. A friend of ours told us a story, she said she used to work for a restaurant, the owner used to employ a man whose job was to follow diners as they left the restaurant until they were 20 meters away. If the finance police stopped them and asked for the receipt he would run up and shout “you forgot your receipt”. The owner would quickly run the amount through the till before the police arrived. If the diners weren’t stopped the owner wouldn’t declare the meal on his accounts…..

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