I’ve decided that I could never become famous. Or that if I do, I should never actually open my mouth anywhere near a camera or reporter.
I also understand now why I like to write. When I write I have time to think about what I’m saying and retract all the dumb bits before hitting the Publish button. But then again, maybe that’s not true either. Perhaps I still say stupid shit and I just don’t have a strong enough following for it to matter much to the masses. Maybe people like the stupid shit I say because then they feel they can relate to me on some level.
So here is my quick path to future fame…
I have been nominated twice for some Leiber award and each time I declined because it requires too much work. While I am more than flattered that anyone would consider my blog for an award, I’m just too darn lazy, my Internet connection is too slow and well, I’ve got piles of Boar poop to scoop and that is a bit higher on my priority list lately (these piles are huge, so you would never want to step in one accidentally). Heck, yesterday I even found myself digging a hole to plant a lemon tree! Long story, don’t ask, I’ve just upgraded my status to Hillbilly proportions.
So this week I was asked to be interviewed by an online magazine. Cool! Somebody actually wants to listen to what I have to say! They chose me because I live in Genoa and they wanted to feature this area in the story. While I am hardly an expert on the subject, I was delighted to share nevertheless.
Ok, so I tried really hard to give a realistic perspective without sounding too negative. I also tried to point out what was special and unique to the area too even though I couldn’t remember how to pronounce the name of the most famous cemetery in Liguria. Boh!
Then came the clincher. The interviewer asked me what did I miss the most about Canada. While I could have said family and friends, well that just sounded so boring, I decided to say snow! Yeah, I know! SNOW! Perhaps because it has been really friggin’ hot here lately. This word was the first to come out of my stupid mouth, but there you have it I SAID SNOW!
Let me explain why this was one of the stupidest things to ever come out of my mouth. Yes, I like snow, it can be fun and fresh and I like the feeling of that cool air being breathed in through your lungs, it has a weird effect on me okay? But I live in Northern Italy and about a two hours drive from the Italian Alps! Heck the public schools shut down for two weeks in February so everyone can go on ski holidays. If I loved snow that much then wouldn’t I just get in my car occasionally and drive North?
So there you have it folks! I wonder what this poor girl interviewing me thought when I said that? Here we go again, another brilliant blogger…can someone please pass me some Pimm’s? For the record, I emailed her with my huge blunder and kindly asked her to retract my idiotic comment to be replaced by Maple Syrup…let’s hope she does because trying to explain myself may just make me famous for all the wrong reasons! Eeeep! Look at this dumbass blogger who misses snow when she is only two hours away from a world famous ski mountain.
Let me just say one more thing in my defense, then I’ll shut up about it. If you are Canadian you will understand this…you wake up, look out your bedroom window and see large snowflakes drifting by. It is so pretty you want to stay there in the cosy warmth to watch the magic. You open the outside door and breath in the cool, fresh air and your lungs feel clear. When you step out you can hear that crunching sound beneath your feet, and everything sounds different and further away.
…then, you curse because you have to spend the next hour shoveling to get the car out of the driveway, hahahaha.
Yes, I definitely need to be medicated.