It probably won’t come as a shock to you when I tell you that I have nicknamed my yoga teacher the “Yoga Nazi”. Every Tuesday, I willingly allow this woman to physically torture and embarrass me for a full hour. But it’s really okay because I’m her English teacher and payback’s a bitch ain’t it? (I wonder what her nickname for me is…Mary Satan Poppins?)
Deciding to minimize my weekly humiliation, I try to do ten minutes of stretching every morning. I know, ten minutes is hardly a huge commitment but for me it seems like a lifetime. So there I am this morning on my neon green Wii yoga mat when Coco struts by and does a perfect, graceful stretch in front of me. I don’t care if it’s cold and windy, you are being banished to the balcony for ten minutes, you little fur-ball show off!
Again, I try the breathing and get instantly bored. I roll over and all I can see are dust bunnies under the furniture. Hmmm, it’s only 7:00 a.m., is it too early to vacuum? Ten minutes just fly by…not really. I’m starting to think that my Zen has got no Zip and that I really seriously suck at this. Let’s face it, I’m much more at peace kicking the shit out of a soccer ball 🙂
On another note, I really suck at dieting too (I challenge anyone to try and diet in this country!). Perhaps if I owned a scale I would be better at it, but I own a yoga mat and that didn’t do squat for my squats so I might as well just save my money.
I went to a fancy party last week and beforehand I tried to buy a new dress so I didn’t have to lose weight to fit into an old one. That was a bust, so then I started searching for new shoes, which in fact I actually need. But the rain and a busy schedule, and the fact that most good shoe shops close mid-day, put a halt to my shopping. And truthfully, all I can do is drool over Christian Louboutins which start at 600 Euros and I simply cannot afford my own caviar standards *le sigh*
Two days before the party and I am still chunky and shoe-less. So, I did what every intelligent woman does in my situation, and I went straight to the MAC cosmetics store and bought 130 Euros worth of new make-up 🙂 Note in the photo above how I cropped the bottom half off of the pic which gets a bit wider in the middle, teehee. Oh, and can you see my new vitamins? No, no Louboutins for me…just menopause pills please, maybe the red soled shoes tomorrow.