Are you happy now?

Why do Italians feel so compelled to evaluate other people’s lives, happiness and lifestyle? Do they think it’s their mission in the world to set everybody straight?

The other day Mama decided quite on her own that I wasn’t happy. So, let me see, I’d just left Canada and was re-adjusting to being back in Italy, I had a sick cat and had wiped out my savings with vet visits and my landlord asked me for €1,000 to pay for over usage of hot water because he underestimated the bill. Did I really have anything to be happy about?

Would this be much different if I was living somewhere else? The answer is simply, no. Life has its ups and downs no matter where you live. Do I sometimes wonder how things would be if I still lived in Canada, sure. Don’t most expats?

Today I went for a massage. I’ve been experiencing some serious back pain which I equate to carrying heavy books on the bus several times a week and probably stress too. The massage guy loves to talk! I don’t care because he is near my home and he is cheap. But every time I see him he lectures me about why my back is in bad shape. Not for the reasons I mentioned above, oh no, that would be too easy. He thinks I’m sad because I’m alone too much!

Now, I will be the first to tell you that I miss my husband sometimes, and I miss having someone around to do stuff with, but it doesn’t make me sad, just lazy, lol. And this guy telling me this just makes me mad. I mean really, who made him the authority on what makes me happy?

I’ll admit, his rattling made me wonder a bit about my quality of life here. To be honest, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. But I’m also older now and have slowed down my lifestyle. I’m quite content to hang out with Coco on Saturday night while playing Candy Crush on my iPad. And if I was in Canada I would be at my sister’s house playing Candy Crush πŸ™‚

I save my money and energy for bigger things now. The things that matter to me, not Joe public massage guy. Last night I passed up an invitation to hang out with some friends at a disco. In some ways I thought come on Leah, get your lazy ass off the couch and go, but I really didn’t want to. The idea of driving one hour to stand in a loud, crowded bar just didn’t appeal to me.

But here’s the clincher. My massage guy started talking about fish and how to prepare it then offered to cook lunch for me and show me! Hmmmm, now I’m starting to see into his strategy. make the girl feel lonely and then ooze your way into her good graces with good Italian food and then, well every fox knows what happens to the naΓ―ve hen, right?

So I’m just wondering if anyone knows of a mute massage therapist in Genoa? Maybe I should just go back to pretending that I don’t understand Italian. πŸ™‚

Oh, and as far as Mama goes…she makes shit up all the time about people because she’s bored. I know way too much about certain people and probably half of it is exaggerated and the other half not true. I am sure she has told all her cronies that her “American daughter in law drinks too much and stays out all night at strange discos.” Because the real me is just not entertaining enough for the local coffee shop gossip.

About lmarmstrong66

I'm a blogger, painter, writer, singer. For the love of all things in nature and creativity.
This entry was posted in Coco, Italian Culture, Mama, Nature. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Are you happy now?

  1. same boat says:

    I once was a young, vivacious woman in love with an Italian(USA). There were warning signs prior to the wedding, but was told by my fiance, his family would calm down after the wedding. Of course, this never happened and problems multiplied once we were married. After all this time, I wish I had followed my instincts and not marry, and then wish I had not stayed in the marriage. There are worse things than divorce at a young age. Now, after 30 years, my husband wants out, due to the family problems and the non resolution of the problems. The Italian spouse MUST be the one to resolve these problems. The issue is: Italian men are chicken! Give up the coward and live the rest of your life in happiness.

    As for the guy moving in on you, now is not the time to complicate your life. In a period of unhappyness, you are not at a place to make a poor decision in an outside relationship. Why get involved with another Italian. His mother is going to be just as bad, if not worse.

    These Italian guys are pathetic. They will not grow up until women stop becoming involved with them. Nothing is more unatractive than a grown man unable to cut the apron strings.

    I am sorry to hear you are unhappy. There are many unhappy women, married to Italian men, who completely understand. If you stay, i hope things get better. Good Luck!

    • Actually, I love my husband dearly and certainly don’t want to end my marriage. Ideally, I would love it if his contracts abroad were shorter so we could have more time together. The part I’m not happy about I suppose, is that sometimes my life is in limbo. I’m married but live more than half my marriage alone. Not the ideal situation but on the other hand if he was home all the time I would be wishing for some space and time alone. I knew what I was getting into long before I decided to marry him, there were no surprises.

      I had a traditional marriage with my first husband and life got to be pretty dull.

      I’m sorry if I gave the wrong message in my post here. I agree, living with an Italian family is quite challenging but they have also been very kind and generous to me too.

      Living in Italy drives me crazy. The culture and mentality can drive any sane person mad. I think the point I was trying to make here is that Italians seem to always want to put a label on people. Genoa people are closed, people from the South are loud, etc, etc.

      I prefer to just be me. Happy one day and maybe not the next. Unfortunately, you could wake up happy and Italy would find some way to stomp on it and spit you back out because they’re so ass backwards here it makes you want to pull your hair out.

      Thanks for stopping by my blog πŸ™‚ and yes, I agree, life’s too short to be unhappy and if you see warning signs take heed.
      Cheers, Leah

      • Oh, and one more tidbit…over my dead body would I ever consider having an affair with the massage guy or any other dude here! Soooo not worth it! If I was that lonely I would take some major action to change my lifestyle in order to spend more time with my husband, otherwise, why bother being married?

      • I am sorry I misunderstood the first time I contacted you. Thank you for explaining so nicely. Hearing your in-laws are kind to you, can make a world of difference in your relationship with them and your marriage. Mine have been nasty to me, former fiances and others married to their children.

        I was told the problems I was seeing prior to our marriage were situational and the problems would resolve after the wedding. I am glad to hear my situation differs greatly from what you are experiencing with your mother-in-law.

      • I have heard many instances where the wife was treated poorly by the husband’s family and I am sorry if this was the case for you. I think the husband should also take responsibility for this especially if he chooses to marry outside of his culture. It is his responsibility to be supportive and bridge those gaps. I know of one woman whose husband refused to let his wife return to England even though she was begging because of the abuse. He also worked on ships. Now she is older and she has many problems with alcohol and depression. Quite a sad story really.
        Before we got married, one of the things my husband said to me, which I took quite seriously, was that he needed a strong woman to be able to cope alone under these strange circumstances. He was quite astute to say this because whenever I have a bad day I remember that and say to myself, you can do this, be strong. The good far outweighs the bad and so it is worth it!
        If I was so unhappy that depression became chronic I think I would move back to Canada. And I would fully expect my husband’s support too!
        Take care, love Leah

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.