Warning to all my male readers…this post may contain the words boobies and food. Read at your own risk!
Yesterday I bought my very first sports bra! I know, at 46 that isn’t saying much is it? But, now that I am on a mommy soccer team I have to figure out a way to hold the girls in place while running and chasing that stupid ball. Ironically, I always wanted to be a soccer mom and now I am on a team of mom’s who play soccer. I always did have a somewhat backwards approach to life so why stop now?
But here’s the thing. While all these mom’s refuse to order white shorts because it makes their butt look fat I’m stressing over keeping my boobies from falling off. I officially have 4 pairs of jeans that don’t fit me, so perhaps my ass has gotten fat too but I have also put some weight on in the upstairs department if ya know what I mean. Not a bad trade-off I suppose but I have to laugh at the labels on my latest purchases from the sports shop:
“Support your passion” – yes, I guess I am a bit passionate about my boobies
“Shock absorber” – What am I, a car? Actually, can I get shock absorbers for my thighs too? and…
“Cardio wear” – so now I will have a stylish heart that also happens to be beating so fast when I run that I can’t decide if I should vomit or pass out. Alas, according to my coach, neither is an option. He is truly evil!
But here’s the thing, these sports bras will NEVER be sexy! In fact, they look like the jumbo sized brassiere’s my Nana used to wear. She called them her “over the shoulder boulder holders”. At least I know that I inherited my rocks honestly, unlike most women these days who have implanted the fake kind.
Now for the food part…it’s Easter! In Italy that means Colombas (translation=dove). I love these things…a Colomba is a cake shaped like a dove. Exhibit A-see photo, does that look anything like a dove to you? Not important because they’re yummy anyways. They usually have candied almonds on top and are delicious with my morning tea or afternoon or before bed. So far, I have not had any. But, tomorrow I am going to Mama’s for Easter lunch and I am hoping she bought one (Lord help us all if she bakes one!).
My dilemma is that if I buy one, I will eat the entire thing and then I will need to buy a bigger sports bra. Does this adventure ever stop?
Oh, and I’m not the only one with an eating disorder. Coco has a terrible habit of following me into the bathroom. I usually let her because her litter box is in there too and for some reason she likes to do her business when I do (yeah, she’s a weird cat, I know). But yesterday she had a different plan altogether…
the little furball bit my butt while I was on the toilet. Why? Because her food bowl was empty! Need I say more?
Have a great long weekend! I’ve been painting the bedroom gelato purple, stay tuned for pics!