I’m back in my tiny apartment sipping lemon and hot water…I’ll give you three guesses as to why. Yep, I have a cold coming on. Serves me right for being so free with those Italian kisses with my new landlord. Sheesh!
But actually, I don’t really blame my landlord as much as I do Mama. Just when I think I’ve got a handle on how to deal with her she turns things up a notch and my stress levels soar. My head has been spinning ever since I got the keys to the new apartment and everything has gotten totally out of control.
It all started simply enough with needing to buy a new wardrobe. The apartment is furnished however the wardrobe is only big enough for all my crap and not my husband’s. Mama kindly offered to buy us a second one and that’s when I should have seen the warning signs of what was to come…
Mama wants to refurbish the entire apartment including changing kitchen and bathroom fixtures! Did I mention that this is a rental? She has also of course offered to pay for it all too. As generous as that is, it is besides the point really. Why did I rent a furnished apartment if I was just going to toss it all out and buy new stuff? Apparently, this is something many Italians do.
I am flabbergasted at the notion of spending all that money for nothing. To me it is like tossing dollar bills in the wind. Am I the only one who can see how absurd this is?
So, as I was trying to make some plans, every waking hour with Mama involved lengthy conversations about all of this. I wake up, put the kettle on and Mama pushes a catalogue in my face. Look at this and pick out what you like. I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and Mama is behind me telling me that I need to order a mattress from some infomercial place in Milan and tells me they should come Monday morning to measure the bed.
What??? I tell her I haven’t got time Monday and then she presses me for a date and time. I’m still in my pyjamas! I try to keep my cool and say lets talk about this later. (FYI-she made the appt. without me). We go to some warehouse an hour out-of-town, I spend the next few hours looking at furniture. I sit on a demo couch and Mama says “oh no, don’t test these couches, we will buy a couch from another place”.
I spend another hour talking to some girl about the kitchen…Mama wanders off to have a cigarette and nap on a sofa…her shoes are off (and in my giant purse) because she’s tired. I get the plans and cost and nearly fall over. Mama reemerged from her snooze and says “did you see that nice bed in the window? Do you like it?” Bed??? Listen lady, I’m going to be late for work if we don’t leave this store NOW!
It’s 10:00 p.m. last night and I get a call from my sister-in-law. She asks me if it’s okay to start taking apart the old wardrobe, I say no because I may want to keep it still…silence on the other end…”oh, are you sure?” Me: “No, I’m not sure that’s why I want to think about it…wait, let me guess, you’ve already started to take it apart haven’t you…”
Is your head spinning as much as mine now? Good, because I’m told that misery loves company.
FYI: I gave a copy of the keys to Mama ONLY because she was accompanying a cleaning lady to clean the apartment while I pack.