As the new teaching season slumps its way along I find myself once again stuck with not enough days in the week to go around to make everyone happy. I love Autumn for the change of season but that too seems to be slumping behind schedule and summer has been relentlessly beating down the heat drums with no end in sight.
Don’t get me wrong, I love summer and am not looking forward to the damp, cold, rains of Genova. However, I have already mentally switched gears to light sweaters and cute leather jackets and the weather refuses to cooperate! I’ll bet that if I put my bathing suit on and planned a swim tomorrow the temperatures would drop to a normal level for October like the speed of a lightening bolt.
Like being in a torrid love triangle, I have found myself torn between two lovers. It seems that right now I am not only between two seasons but also between two continents, two employers and two homes. Thankfully my husband doesn’t have to worry about me being torn between two men!
But all these aspects of my life are my own doing and I wonder how I managed to get myself into such a predicament in the first place. Am I two people? I’m certainly not a Gemini twin so what gives?
First of all, I have found that I like both schools that I work for and therefore decided to balance both on my schedule this year. I’m not sure if this was a wise decision because I am already feeling the pressure of a jealous lover, however I feel a certain loyalty to both for very different reasons and I don’t want to have to choose one over the other.
My other conundrum is completely self-imposed but for just cause. MY SANITY. At what point do we choose what’s practical over what’s desired? For example, the last two pairs of shoes I bought were solely based on comfort first, price second and style last. Am I getting old or what?
After living in the city center for a year I find myself contemplating a big move again. I love the fact that I can walk everywhere and it’s quite convenient for my job but I miss the fresh air, peace and quiet and having a garden. Should I move out of the city and commute or stay where I am?
Aside from the obvious conveniences of city living I feel like I am living on a thread of satisfaction. Let me explain. I recently asked myself pointed questions like “when am I most happy in my life?” “Where am I when I feel relaxed?” and “What am I doing?”
These questions were a bit tough because I still get a thrill when I walk past the enormous fountain at Piazza dei Ferrari and I love listening to the local opera singer in my courtyard when she is rehearsing scales…but is that enough? I mean honestly, I also love jumping in puddles for fun but that doesn’t mean I love endless days of pouring rain either.
The answers are these: I like peace and quiet. I like nature and fresh air. I can spend hours in the garden watering, digging and pruning and raking and feel like I have accomplished something useful in my day. I like writing but need a quiet, open space for the words to flow.
Is it wanderlust or just filling my heart’s desire? Time will tell…