Okay, so I accidentally took a double dose of that medication the doctor gave me and lets just say that ‘chillin’ is definitely a sweet life. It was a good thing I did too because by the time my husband called me tonight I was in a much happier place and therefore able to replay the last 36 hours without too much screaming into his poor ear.
He also reminded me of the fact that Mama had recently quit smoking! As soon as he said this I heard angels singing above my head…(remember the double dose of meds mentioned above). Anyways, being a non-smoker, I of course cannot relate at all to what it must be like to kick this nasty habit, however I do remember my husband also being a bit of a bear and short of patience on a few occasions while he was quitting.
I feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one who seems to have a bit of a short fuse these days. I was really starting to believe that perhaps I was being irrational and mean to her for no good reason. I really need to start cutting myself some slack over this situation. I am over 40 and living in a country that is not my own. I do not know the language very well and am still navigating the culture. My only real “support” is miles away floating on a ship in the Caribbean.
So, if I lose my patience from time to time, scream and yell out of frustration, well, so be it! I refuse to be a robot of society. We all have emotions and it is only natural to sometimes express them. Okay, freaking out in the supermarket may not have been the perfect setting, but I was screaming in half English and half Italian so the other people probably couldn’t make any more sense out of what I was yelling than Mama could.
Before I left for work I made her some lunch and gave her my last 3 chocolates from Romeo’s as a peace-offering. I even wrote her a note that simply said “Mi dispiace, bacione” (I’m sorry, big kiss). She keeps all my notes, I don’t know why. Perhaps one day when I am fluent in Italian she will show them to me and tease me about how rotten my Italian was when I first arrived.
I know I rant and rage about Mama on this blog, but I truly do love her. She has been very kind and generous to me and she treats me like her own daughter, which is perhaps why she is so comfortable re-arranging my underwear drawer on a whim. But, just like all family members, you can love them but that doesn’t stop them from driving you simply nuts!